Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize