Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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