I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize