What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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