Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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