I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize