So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
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yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize