I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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