Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
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Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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