You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
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he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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