Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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