he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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