i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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