my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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