so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize