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Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
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