I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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