I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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