Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
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U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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