I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize