Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In other news, I just burned my penis
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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