You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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