It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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