Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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