You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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