When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
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Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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