I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize