Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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