i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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