I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize