i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize