He disabled his match.com account in front of me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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