Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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