first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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