So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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