Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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