i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
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I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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