So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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