He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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