the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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