If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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