marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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