my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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