Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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