apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
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YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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