i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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