Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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