I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
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just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
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I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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