dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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