The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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