Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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